Myth: Alcohol and drugs make people more violent.

Reality: Alcohol and drugs can make existing abuse worse, or be a catalyst for an attack, but they do not cause domestic abuse. Many people use alcohol or drugs and do not abuse their partner, so it should never be used to excuse violent or controlling behavior. The perpetrator alone is responsible for their actions.

Myth: If it was that bad, she’d leave

Reality: People stay in abusive relationships for many different reasons, and it can be very difficult for a person to leave an abusive partner, even if they want to. Abuse rarely starts at the beginning of a relationship, but when it is established it’s often harder to leave. A person may still be in love with their partner and believe them when they say they’re sorry and it won’t happen again, they might be frightened for their life or for the safety of their children if they leave, they may have nowhere to go or have no financial independence. Abusers often isolate their partners from friend or family in order to control them, making it more difficult for an abused person to leave the relationship. People in abusive relationships need support and understanding, not judgement.

Myth: Domestic abuse always involves physical violence

Reality: Domestic abuse does not always include physical violence.  Women’s Aid defines domestic abuse as an incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive, threatening, degrading and violent behaviour, including sexual violence by a partner or ex-partner. These incidents can include coercive control, psychological and/or emotional abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, financial abuse, harassment, stalking and/or online digital abuse.

Myth: Men who abuse their partners saw their fathers abuse their mothers

Reality: Domestic abuse is prevalent throughout society, and because of this many people have grown up witnessing domestic abuse. Most of these people will never perpetrate domestic abuse in their own relationships, so it is never an excuse, and some of the most passionate supporters against domestic abuse and child survivors of abuse.

Myth: Women are more likely to be attacked by strangers than by those who claim to love them

Reality: In fact, the opposite is true. Women are far more likely to be assaulted, raped and murdered by men known to them than by strangers. According to Rape Crisis, only around 10% of rapes are committed by men unknown to them. Women are far more likely to be attacked by a man they know and trust. A woman is killed by her male partner every four days in the UK.

Myth: They lose their temper sometimes, that’s all

Reality: People argue that an abusive person “loses their temper” or is “out of control”. The truth is that they are very much in control. Abusers are usually selective about when they hit their partner, for example in private or when the children are asleep. They choose not to mark the person’s face or other parts of the body which show. They never “lose their temper” with other people. This suggests they are very aware of what they are doing and are ‘in control.’

Furthermore, many people abuse their partners emotionally and psychologically, without ever using physical violence. This shows the extent of their control.

Myth: Abusive men have a mental illness

Reality: The vast majority of men who abuse women are not mentally ill. Research shows that the proportion of abusers with mental health problems is no higher than in society as a whole. If an abusive man were mentally ill, why is it that he only abuses his partner – not his colleagues, strangers or friends?  This is another way of making excuses for the abuser’s behaviour.

Resources

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/

https://www.refuge.org.uk/

 

If you are worried someone might see that you have visited this page, the Women’s Aid website tells you how to cover your tracks online. 

 

Please copy and paste this link as clicking it will not take you to the page.

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/cover-your-tracks-online/

 

For more information about covering your tracks online, please visit Greater Manchester Police’s advice page: ‘How to hide this visit from your web history’